Fifty Shades of Greylander
by BabyGurl2012
Summary: Christian Grey, also known as Christian Greylander, is a male model
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: One of my all time favorite movies is Zoolander. I've decided to combine my love for the movie and my love for Fifty Shades. Thanks to the FSOG FB girls for encouraging this. Enjoy**!

What's up world? My name is Christian Greylander. Yeah, I know that's a totally cool name, right? My real name is Christian Grey, but I needed a super cool name for my modeling career so I got all creative and came up with Greylander. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking, and I plan on finding out what that is. I have the support of my smart girlfriend Ana Steele to help me. When I say she's smart, I'm serious. She's smarter than Snooki on Jersey Shore so she's a freaking Einstein. Since she's the rock to my roll, I named my signature pose after her, Blue Steele. Fuck, here comes that idiot Gideon. He tries to rain on my bow. Even my main man Taylor thinks he's a big deal.

"Gideon, he's so hot right now.", Taylor says from his spot in the studio. Today's the day that I'm shooting my new calendar. That's right, you can have Christian Greylander on your wall the entire sixteen months of the year.

"What's up Greylander?", that wanna be asks while running his hands through his hair. I will give him credit in that he has nice hair, but so do ponys.

"Um, the sky, duh."

"Look bra, you don't have to be a smart ass." Taylor looks like he's afraid there's going to be smack down.

"Hold up Ese, I'm not being a smart ass because I'm not smart." Gideon starts laughing at me, but I don't care. "What you see is what you get, and I don't pretend to be smart. Also, I'm not your bra."

"Whatever Greylander. Your modeling career is dried up. Soon, you'll be saying do you want fries with that?" Who does this clown think he is? I'm at the peak of my career, and the world is at my feet like grass.

"If my career is dried up, why was I hanging out with Justin Bieber last week?" Shock runs through his tanned face. "That's right, me and the Biebs are buds, jealous?"

"Not at all. Why would I care if you hang out with Bieber when I hang out with Robert Pattinson. The two of us hit up the clubs when K Stew is out of town so smoke on that." Why would I be jealous that he hangs out with a vampire? I'm too busy having Bieber fever.

In the corner of my eye I see Ana and my dad walking up to us. She looks pissed off. Oh well, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Trust me. Been there, done that. Gideon looks like he's undressing her with his eyes. That well manicured bastard!

"Ana, I was just talking with Gideon, but he was on his way out of here."

"I heard the two of you arguing Christian. Why can't the two of you just get along?", she asks. For a smart woman, she doesn't understand that Gideon and I will NEVER be friends. The guy is too into his looks.

"I agree Ana. Your boyfriend doesn't want to be friends so it's ok." What in the hell?

"You both look stupid.", my dad scoffs. He's never understood why I model.

"Why Dad? I don't look stupid. I look really really good. I do this to make you proud."

"How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your weiner hanging out for everyone to see?"

"Actually Carrick, while Christian does model underwear, I'm the only one who sees his weiner so don't be hard on him.", Ana smiles. Sweet Ana, always coming to my rescue when I need her. Just the other day I thought I had gone blind, but the lights were just turned off in the room.

"I can't stand around and watch this. Your brother and sister make me proud, but you Christian..." He hangs his head down in disappointment. A lone tear falls down my face. I won't cry. I won't cry. I'm Christian Greylander, the best fucking male model in Seattle!

"Stay here Dad and let me make you proud. Gideon, we're going to have a walk off." Taylor looks at me in shock.

"Can you hurry up Christian? I have to speak at the funeral of my friend Bill who died."

"You're going to be a "eugoogolizer.", I ask.

"A what?"

"A eugoolizer, someone who speaks at funerals. Do you think I'm too stupid to not know what a eugoogoly is? Jeez Dad." The man doesn't give me enough credit.

"Come on Greylander. Let's get this over with.", Gideon laughs as he pulls a mirror from his pocket to check his hair.

"You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't."

"Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules. First model walks; second model duplicates, then elaborates. Okay, boys - let's go to work!", Taylor announces.

"You first Gid-e-on."

Gideon walks up to the stage as "Beat It" plays. He begins strutting down the stage and then starts doing the robot. I can do that.

"Your turn Christian.", Ana says from the sidelines. I get on the stage and mimick Gideon exactly. Gideon then gets back on the stage where he break dances, which I do as well. The third round, Gideon decides to walk down the stage on his hands. I, of course, follow. It's now the fourth round, and Gideon walks down the stage with crazy eyes. He reaches in his leather pants and pulls out his underwear. That's easy.

"Watch this Gideon." I walk down the stage with those same crazy eyes before shoving my hands down my pants to pull out my underwear. Fuck, this is hard. I'm struggling here. My eyes are bulging as I pull them, but owwww. I just gave myself a backwards wedgie. I lost.

"Gideon wins.", Taylors says all too enthusiastically.

"Good try Greylander." Gideon extends his hand to me, and he actually looks sincere.

"Thanks. You did good."

"I have to say Christian, that was some performance.", my dad smiles. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Dad!" Ana walks over to me and kisses me with those soft sweet lips of hers.

"You're my winner. Come on, let's go."

Taking Ana's hand, I turn left to leave. I can't believe it! I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left.

"Did you see that?! I turned left!"

"I did! I'm so proud of you and love you so much.", Ana smiles.

"Anything is possible now."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: There's a two year time jump in this chapter. This chapter was inspired by a FB post from the wonderful Smile Rose. Thank you Rosie for inspiring me. Thank you also to SuzQuz Grey for introducing me to her bus :D. Enjoy!**

**Two years later**

It's me again world, Christian Greylander. These past two years have passed by. My modeling career is still ongoing, but I've devoted a lot of my time to my new school, The Christian Greylander School for Children Who Can't Read Good. I remember waking up one morning and thinking "Damn Christian, you're looking even more really, really, ridiculously good looking than usual." As I stood in front of the mirror, admiring my good looks, it dawned on me that I should give back to the world. So I opened up my school which has been a success. I have to say the biggest success I've had in the past two years came when I married Ana. Marrying her is the best thing that ever happened to me. A few months ago, we were blessed with the birth of our son Teddy. He has Ana's eyes and my hair. When he was just two hours old, he booked his first modeling job. He's even perfected my signature pose The Blue Steele. Life is great.

"Christian, your brother will be here soon.", my sweet Ana says as she comes into the living room.

"I don't know why he's coming here. I have nothing to say to him. I'd rather being doing something productive like styling my hair or practicing my poses.", I pout. One of the biggest changes in the last two years was when my brother Elliot got dumped by his she devil girlfriend Kate. Some guys would just go out and find someone else but not Elliot. He chose to quit his construction job and wait for it...move to Hollywood. I thought he was out of his mind, but he found an agent his first day there. In no time, he had secured movie roles. His breakthrough came when he landed the starring role in the movie adaptation of Where's Waldo. Critics loved how he captured the essence of Waldo as he spent his entire life hiding from people. Elliot's attitude changed after hitting it big. He no longer would call and visit. At least when I became famous I didn't shun my family and friends. Never forget where you come from. Deep, huh? The kick in the ass was when he won the Oscar for best actor and didn't thank us, but he made sure that he thanked his agent, his stylist, his agents's stylist, his publicist, his housekeeper, her dog, the lady who served him at Burger King that morning, and the cast of The Office which he loved. My parents were devastated as was my sister Mia. She refused to go shopping for a whole day. As for me, well, it hurt like hell. I was the one who taught Elliot all he knows about proper hair care, but he didn't give a damn. Oh well, shortly after, he was dropped from a movie and then by his agent. Since all of his money was almost gone from his hobby of collecting Superman memorabilia, he was broke and couldn't pay his rent. So, he's now back in Seattle and wanting us to forgive and forget.

"Elliot's your brother and wants to talk. Please just hear him out.", Ana smiles while massaging my neck. "If you do this, I'll thank you later."

"Really? Maybe you can shampoo my hair for me?" I love it when Ana shampoos my hair. Her hands are like magic.

"Yes, I'll shampoo your hair." A few minutes later, Taylor comes into the room.

"Sir, your brother is here." Taylor has had a tough time as well since his girlfriend and my housekeeper Gail left him for my model friend Gideon. Gideon and I were once enemies, but we became friends. One day Taylor walked into the kitchen and found Gideon eating Spam off Gail's naked body. After that, Gail moved in with Gideon.

"Send him in.", I snap.

"Hey bro.", Elliot grins while entering. It's been a while since I've seen him, but he still looks the same. His blonde hair is perfectly styled. That's a step in the right direction. A smile is plastered on his face. "Thanks for seeing me."

"Well, my eyes are open and you're in front of me so I kind of have to see you. Plus, I'm doing this because Ana said she'd shampoo my hair."

"Are you still using that one kind that smells like coconut?"

"Yeah, it really does well with body. What about you? Still using the kind that smells honeysuckle?", I ask.

"You know man. I love that shit."

"Fantabulous. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm mad at you. You really hurt us Elliot when you moved to Hollywood. Do you know how hard it was listening to you thank everyone but your family? It would have been nice to hear." He runs his hands through his hair and nods.

"I know. I messed up. The Hollywood thing was a mistake. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that. I thought I had the perfect life in Hollywood, but that changed when my role in the Where's Waldo sequel was given to Matt Damon. I mean he's a good actor but he's not Waldo. I'm the only one who should wear that red and white striped sweater, not Damon!"

"Sorry man."

"Christian, do you ever wish you were someone else.", my Oscar winning brother says. Yeah, he might have been a dick in not thanking the family when he won, but I still like saying Oscar winning. It has a nice ring to it. Wait, is Elliot trying to tell me that he wants to be me?

"Look big bro, I know that I'm really, really, really good looking and have a lot of money, but you can't be me. Well, you can if you buy the Christian Greylander costume that's sold at fine retailers for $39.95, but even then you still won't be me."

"That's not what I'm saying. I just wanted to be loved like you were so that's why I went to Hollywood. I thought fame would help me, but it destroyed me. I lost everything because of my bad decision. Things finally started picking up when I arrived back in Seattle and was almost run over by a bus driven by my angel Sue." My ears perk up.

"Sue, who's Sue?" His face lights up like never before. Kate was a bitch who always bossed him around. It was rare that he smiled with her.

"I had just arrived back in Seattle via bus. As I was walking from the bus to the station, I saw lights from a bus coming towards me. I was close to being run over but luckily I got out of the way. When the bus stopped, this beautiful woman stepped off. She had the most mesmerizing blue eyes. I couldn't stop staring at her. She looked mad at me. I was in a daze as she started shouting at me. Let me tell the way she said "Next time move the fuck out of the way." was sexy as hell. Her name tag said Sue. I kept standing there, thinking about marrying Sue and having kids with her. I didn't even know her, but I wanted her. Isn't that how it was with you and Ana?"

"Yes, it was.", I answer while thinking fondly.

"As she kept standing there yelling at me, another bus driver came running out of the station. Her name tag said Rosie. She told Sue to calm down and relax. Finally, Sue stopped. Some guys would have walked away, but I could feel the sparks there with her. I asked her to dinner and she told me to fuck off. Man, that mouth of her. I refused to leave until she at least had coffee so she agreed. Christian, we had so much in common. She liked driving buses and I like riding on them. We both have a fear of clowns. The icing on the cake was when she said she wasn't a Matt Damon fan. I knew I found my soul mate." My brother seems to have learned from his mistake and fallen in love. All I want is for him to be happy and to stay stylish.

"I'm happy for you Elliot. How serious are you and Sue?"

"Very. I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Her friend Rosie is going to be her maid of honor and I want you to be my best man. Will you Christian?"

"I'd be honored. Just make sure the tuxedos are a color that I look good in."

"No problemo." Ana comes into the room holding Teddy. Elliot's never seen his nephew. "Is that Teddy? Wow, I heard you guys were parents, but I didn't know he was so cute. Babies are so amazing."

"They are. Teddy is a great baby."

"Would you like to hold him?", Ana asks Elliot.

"Sure.", he answers. Ana gently hands Teddy to Elliot who seems like a natural.

"You're doing good with him Elliot.", I say.

"I need the practice. Sue's pregnant."

"Pregnant? Congratulations!"

"Thanks. I can't wait to be a dad. Sue's going to be a great mom. She's planning on driving her bus right up until the baby's born. I'm happy, like really happy Christian."

"I'm happy that you're happy."

"Are we ok?", he asks.

"We still have some things to talk about, but we're going to be ok. I'm glad to have my brother back."

"I'm glad to be back."

I know Elliot has a lot to make up for, but my brother is important to me. I need him in my life like I need air. Life just got even better for Christian Greylander.


End file.
